“I’m not oppressed.” On the female anti-feminist

Some people who read this may recognize themselves quoted or cited. Good.

It never ceases to amaze me when I hear people, particularly womyn, reject all feminisms. “I’m not a feminist,” “all they do is complain,” “but I’m not oppressed- it doesn’t apply to me!”

Of course it doesn’t apply to you, honey (a term I probably use for too many people). Look in the mirror: you go to a pretentious/expensive school, you live in a wealthy and safe(ish) country, your last coffee cost $5 and was “just alright,” your mac book pro lets you express your feelings on tumbler and facebook. You’re not oppressed, you have everything, right?

Look again. Your nails are painted. Your clothes accentuate your secondary sex characteristics (…curves, bare skin…). Your ears are pierced. Your heels are high and you complain about how uncomfortable they are. You wear a skirt.

“But I choose those things! I like them!” you say. Why do you do and like those things? I’m not saying that you cannot or that you should not. Instead, I hope that you see those are things our culture expects of womyn. Many of them objectify your body. Your “willful participation” is a choice that happens within conditions. Those conditions were established without your consent, without mine, as a product of an oppressive and sexist culture. Every Disney princess has form-fitting dresses, and often bare shoulders, among other things. Girls are flooded with images of ‘beautiful’ womyn who meet society’s expectations with their high heals, long hair, and other adornments. You grew up (as did boys and intersex children) being told that those were the things which were attractive, desirable, and good for a womyn. You can’t honestly say that these images had no affect on what you like- surely you would like different things if you had been raised in a different place or time.

“But I can break them! I can wear pants and drop the makeup and do anything I want! I have that right.” Of course you are able to. You can refuse makeup, cut your hair short, and wear flannel. But at what cost? Will it be harder to get a job? Will people take you seriously? Will new people brand you a “butch lesbian,” “ugly,” “unfashionable,” or “pathetic” before you have a chance to even say hello? And if they do, will it hurt your relationship with them? Some things require playing the game and performing your gender according to expectation. Many feminists want people to be more free, want to remove the consequences from doing ‘unpopular’ things.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of what you have the right to do, did you know that you can vote, own property, be educated, and get a divorce? Womyn didn’t always have those rights and in some places, they still do not. FEMINISTS helped to win them. The same feminists you now disown. If you lived before these rights, or if someone attempted to take them away from womyn now, would you fight for ‘your’ rights? Would you believe you deserved them? A feminist would.

Rape is popular (unfortunately, in many ways) as a topic for pointing out how crazy feminists are. So think: last time you were on the subway alone at night, or coming back from a bar alone at night, did you worry that some man would attack you, or that the attack would be sexual? Or do you go out alone at night? Do you instead travel in groups, and avoid the subway/city late at night? Is that because you’re afraid you might be sexually assaulted? Have you ever stopped to think that this is total bullshit? You shouldn’t have to fear rape. Your nightly plans should not have to avoid places and activities because they risk rape. I’m not suggesting that anyone endanger herself. I’m suggesting that you shouldn’t have to fear and plan for rape, because our culture should not allow and even tacitly condone rape. You may say “no one supports rape!” but take a second and think: if this were true, why are people afraid of it? Why does it happen so often, and why do only 6% of rapes result in a prison sentence? That’s what the “angry feminists” mean when they say we live in a “rape culture.” They mean no one should live in fear of sexual assault. They want our world to change so we all are safer. Don’t you agree? A feminist would.

And kitchen jokes! Oh the myriad of jokes about a womyn’s ‘proper place.’ Surely you’ve heard these. If not, spend more time around male students and/or the internet (or don’t, they can be repulsive). Surely they don’t mean anything, right? After all, the guy sitting across from you doesn’t actually expect you to deliver him a sandwich and spend your whole life in the kitchen, right? He’s not lobbying to have you thrown out of your job or school. But when does he make these jokes? Chances are they work as a deflection. That is, when the subject of a womyn doing or saying something is mentioned, a ‘kitchen joke’ is likely to follow. What does this scenario show? It shows that rather than taking the issue seriously, he would rather laugh it off.  A feminist thinks that’s bad.

“But don’t feminists burn bras and hate men?” No. The infamous bra burnings never happened. And while some feminists may hate men (or, more likely, some men or the ideas about what a ‘man’ is), the vast majority do not. In fact, many feminists (like me) are men. If we’re more upset about things than you are, if we’re so ‘angry,’ it’s because we see terrible, frustrating things all around us. Sure, we might seem happier if we’d just “lighten up,” “not care so much,” and “take it easy.” You may ask why we care so much. I hate to respond with questions, but How can you NOT care? It is precisely the apathy of “not caring” because “it’s not so bad” and “I’m not so oppressed” which allows bullshit like rape and kitchen jokes and income disparities to continue. We must care, we must say something, we must be Feminists, if we want these kinds of things to end.

~ J. William Lockhart

N.B. There are many different kinds of feminist, and many feminists have very different ideas about many things (hence the term “feminisms”). If you disagree with something one of us says, it’s no reason to reject all feminisms. If you still care about issues like those I mentioned above, you’re still a feminist.

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